Parenting a child who is different
Some parents learn during pregnancy that they will have a child who is different, while others only find out at birth or in the days or years that follow. In some situations, it’s the parents who first notice their baby is different from other children.
Regardless of when you learn of a chronic illness, disability, or other persistent problem in your child’s life, it can be deeply upsetting. Every parent’s first wish is for their child’s health and well‑being. You may find yourself mourning the loss of the family you had always pictured for yourself.
The diagnosis
Arriving at a diagnosis can be a long journey. For many parents, it can feel like the worrying and waiting will never end.
Once a diagnosis is received, it can make it easier to come to terms with the illness, disability, or disorder. Most importantly, it helps determine the steps you need to take, such as putting your child on waiting lists for services (e.g., CLSC, rehabilitation centres). But even with a diagnosis in hand, it’s normal for uncertainties to remain. “How will my child cope with this?” “What specific limitations will they have?”
The guilt or sense of injustice you feel as a parent is normal and will ease over time. Be kind to yourself. No matter what illness or disability your child has, you are not at fault.
Help for your child
Your doctor or other health professional can help you determine which services your child will need (e.g., paediatric care, physical therapy, speech therapy).
Once you have access to health professionals for your child, building a collaborative relationship with them can help you better understand your child’s situation and find ways to help them.
Help for parents
Children who are different often require more care and have greater needs. This can be very tiring for parents. It’s normal to need help and support.
There are support services available to help you come to grips with your child’s situation and challenges (e.g., CLSC social workers, rehabilitation centres). Other services can help with baby care or provide respite (e.g., community organizations). Talk to your health professionals to discuss your options.
There are also associations that provide information and, in some cases, support for a range of child health and development issues. As services vary from region to region, ask healthcare workers and parents you meet about the services available in your area. The website laccompagnateur.org (website in French) provides a wealth of practical information that can guide you in your search for information about your different child.
Financial support is also available. For more information on the Child Disability Benefit, visit canada.ca/en/revenue-agency/services/child-family-benefits/child-disability-benefit.html.
Free time with your child
When you bring a child who is different into the world, life becomes very action‑oriented. You need to take care of them, stimulate them, give them their medications, and so on.
All these tasks leave you with little time or energy to simply “be” with your baby. “Being” with your baby can mean time spent cuddling them, watching them sleep, or just talking softly to them without worrying about their care.
Spending time with your child without having to “do” anything helps you come to grips with and adapt to the situation. Accepting help from loved ones and healthcare workers is a good way to free up time to simply “be” with your child.
As families with a different child will tell you, you’ll adapt to your child’s pace and development. Every small achievement can become a big victory and a source of joy.